


Think I Could Love You, But I'm Not Sure

by Ferus37



Series: I Like That You're Broken [7]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Arguing, Car Sex, M/M, School
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:15:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23375269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ferus37/pseuds/Ferus37
Summary: Billy has been avoiding Steve since the diner. Steve is not about to just accept that.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Series: I Like That You're Broken [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1587457
Comments: 12
Kudos: 91





	Think I Could Love You, But I'm Not Sure

School had been a pain in the ass lately, and Billy fucking hated it. He'd skipped practice twice, just to avoid Steve, and he refused to interact with him in the classes they had together. He knew he couldn't keep doing it, but he'd wanted the break. He hadn't talked to Steve at all since the diner. He hadn't even replied to any of the increasingly annoyed notes Steve had left him. He didn't know what to do about any of this shit, so he'd just gone for total avoidance. He had his doubts about how much the avoidance helped. He couldn't stop thinking about Steve, and he was chronically horny as hell. It was so bad he'd even considered jacking off at school during breaks. And the worst part wasn't his want to fuck Steve senseless. The worst part was all the other things he kept thinking about him. Their random talks, and bickering, and how Steve acted around the kids compared to how he acted when he was alone with Billy. Just Steve in general. It irritated the fuck out of Billy that he couldn't get the bastard out of his head, and he absolutely fucking hated that he wanted to talk to Steve more than he wanted to fuck him. He wanted to just fucking hang out. What the fuck was wrong with him? He was never like this about anyone. He'd never had this want to see someone. It was infuriating. 

At lunch break he decided to go smoke instead of eat, as he'd done a lot lately. He didn't want to run into Steve. As usual, Tommy joined him, because the fucking shithead had no will of his own. He just picked out people he thought were cooler than him, and then followed them around in the hopes it would make him cool too. After spending time with Steve, Billy found he had even less patience with it than he used to. He went to an out of the way place, where teachers wouldn't get on his ass for smoking, and lit one up. Tommy lit one too. Billy wondered where Carol was, and if he'd be able to convince her to take Tommy away. She was probably eating.   
“Dude, what's up with you lately?” Tommy asked after a while.   
“Nothing,” Billy answered testily. “Shut up.”  
“You've been acting weird,” Tommy went on, ignoring Billy's order.   
“I said shut up.”   
“I'm just asking,” He whined, making Billy want to put out his cigarette on his eyeball.   
“Nothing is fucking up,” Billy damn near shouted. “I just don't feel like eating, so fuck off with your questions.”  
“You can fuck off in general,” a voice suddenly said. 

Both Billy and Tommy turned to find Steve standing there, looking pissed.   
“What the fuck do you want, Harrington?” Billy asked, knowing full well why Steve was there.   
“We need to talk,” Steve said calmly, but Billy could tell he was damned close to furious.   
“Talk about what?” Tommy asked. He drew himself up to look tough, and Billy wanted to slug him.   
“Not you,” Steve told him, with barely a glance in his direction. His eyes were on Billy.   
“Fuck off,” Billy told Steve, even though the one he wanted to tell it to was Tommy.   
Steve walked straight toward Billy. Tommy tried to get in his way, but Steve just shoved him aside. He came right up to Billy and slammed him hard against the wall.   
“I'm tired of your shit, Hargrove,” he said with anger showing in his voice now. “We can do it here, in front of your little sycophant, or we can go somewhere with actual privacy. No isn't an option.”  
“I didn't even know you knew the word sycophant,” Billy said with a mocking grin. He didn't like where this was going.   
“God damn it, Billy,” Steve said with threat in his voice. He lifted a hand as if he wanted to punch Billy, but put it down after a moment. He didn't say anything more.   
Billy got the point. Steve didn't even have to threaten him, because he'd said everything Billy needed to know with his eyes. They were cold and angry, with something that might be confusion tucked in the back. Weird how well you could read someone when you just got to know them enough to recognize the small expressions. Did he really know Steve this well already? He started walking, trusting Steve to follow. Before he rounded the corner he called out over his shoulder.  
“Not you, Tommy. If I see you I'll beat the fucking shit out of you.”   
A short protest burst from Tommy, but Billy only heard one pair of footsteps behind him when he walked away. 

After trying six doors they managed to find an empty room where the door opened. Billy did not want to have this conversation, but seeing how pissed Steve was told him he could have it now, or he could get punched in the face and have it now anyway. Steve was nowhere near willing to take no for an answer. Billy stood with his back to Steve and waited for the explosion, wondering why it was so fucking hard to face the man.   
“What the fuck, Billy?” Steve nearly shouted, but without moving around Billy.   
“We both agreed this thing is a bad idea,” Billy said without turning around. “I just decided to be sensible about it.”   
“Fuck you,” Steve said in a defeated tone that threw Billy off. He'd been expecting more anger. “That's a shitty was of saying you're scared of what it's been turning into.”   
“It hasn't been turning into anything,” Billy protested, though it felt weak.  
“Bullshit. You know it as well as I do.” Steve came over to stand next to him, but didn't get in his view.   
“So what exactly has it been turning into?” Billy asked irritably.   
“Fuck, I don't know, man,” Steve sighed, “but it's not the same as it was.”   
“Then what do you want to do about it?”  
“Not fucking stop,” he said with emphasis on every word. “Fucking coward, avoiding me instead of fucking talking to me.”  
“Don't fucking call me a coward.”   
“How about I call you a fucking idiot instead?” Steve asked and went around so he was in front of Billy now. Billy didn't look at him. “Fuck, Billy. I've been going fucking nuts trying to figure out what I did wrong, and why you suddenly didn't want to see me.”

Billy closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Steve's closeness was fucking with him, as it always did, but he didn't want to give in this time. He needed to get the point across, that this was all pointless. He opened his eyes and looked right at Steve.   
“What do you want, Steve? What the fuck do you think this can be?”  
“I don't know,” Steve answered weakly. His eyes were full of something Billy didn't want to examine too closely. “I'm not sure I care, as long as it doesn't stop.”   
“We're gay teenagers in a small town. What the fuck do you think can happen that won't end up bad?”  
“You're being a coward again.”  
“I'm not being a fucking coward,” Billy said loud enough to almost be a shout. He was aware of where they were. “I'm being realistic. What the fuck do you think will happen that won't be shitty? Meet in secret until we can move to somewhere we won't be in danger of being fucking killed if people find out? Because as far as I can see that's fucking best case scenario. This fucking charade pisses me off.”   
“It doesn't all have to be a charade,” Steve said in a calm way that pissed Billy off more, “and there are people who get it, and won't want to even hurt us if they find out. There are people who would be okay with it. It's not the fucking 50's.”  
“Yeah? Who? Give me one example.”  
“Nancy Wheeler, Jonathan Byers, all the kids,” Steve listed. “Joyce Byers. Hopper. Probably even Nancy's mom. Those are just off the top of my head.”  
“You have too much faith in people. I don't believe even half of them would be okay with it, and even less when they find out it's _me_ ,” Billy said with more bitterness than he intended. He also noticed Steve's parents weren't on that list. “And I don't spend time with any of them. I don't like any of them.”  
“You don't like _anyone_. Except me. I know you like me, so don't even try to deny it. You'd probably like Joyce Byers too, if you gave her a chance.”  
“Yeah, let's hang out with the mom of the school weirdos,” Billy said, trying to be hurtful. He knew it would piss Steve off. “That'll be fun.”  
“Fuck you,” Steve said, getting about as angry as expected.

Billy took a deep breath, trying and failing to calm down. He wasn't so much angry now as just worked up about the fucking unfairness of it all.   
“So you're suggesting I change my whole fucking social life, and start hanging out with you and the people you like, and everything will be okay?” He was still not able to reel in his bitterness. “I'm not fucking like them. I'm an asshole, and I don't want to not be an asshole. I don't know how to not be an asshole. I'm not nice. I'm not kind. I hate people. I like smoking, getting drunk, getting high, driving too fast, and getting in fights. I fucking love getting in fights, and beating the shit out of bastards who think they're tough.”  
“And you like fucking an idiot who just wants to spend more time with you,” Steve said with a small shrug. “I know you're a fucking asshole, and I don't like it, but I also know you're addicting, and you can be fun to be around, and sometimes you're sweet and cute without even knowing it.”  
“I'm so far from cute it's not even funny. And I'm sure as fuck not sweet,” Billy protested. He was thinking about the glaring difference between himself and how Steve had been at the diner.  
“I'm not trying to be funny.”  
“Stop trying to change me,” Billy said with a calmness he didn't feel.   
“I only want to change you enough that you're willing to spend more time with me,” Steve smiled in a way that threw Billy a little. “In public.”

Billy was irritated at the small addition at the end. Steve had this rosy idea of how shit was supposed to work out, and that just wasn't how things fucking worked.   
“Do you have any idea how much I'd have to change to spend time with you in public? The people I hang out with hate the people you hang out with, and vice versa.”  
“Again, you don't even fucking _like_ the people you hang out with,” Steve said, sounding angry again all of a sudden; the smile gone faster than it had appeared. “So why the fuck are you so hell bent on hanging out with them?”  
“Because they don't freak out when I'm not a nice person,” Billy said loudly. It felt like it always came back to the same thing. “They don't try to make me fucking better. And you're not even denying that you want to make me better. You think that because you turned into a better person from being around the people you're around, it will somehow happen to me too. It fucking won't.”   
“Dude, I don't give a shit if you become better, whatever the hell you mean by that,” Steve said just as loudly as Billy. “I care about you spending more time with me, so we can talk more, and find more things we both like, and not have people think it's weird when you come home with me after school, so that we don't have to be so _fucking secretive_ every time we meet. I am happy to spend time with you _instead_ of other people. You don't have to spend time with people I like, and you sure as fuck don't have to like them. Just fucking spend time with _me_. I want to see your room, and make out on your bed. I want your dad to think we're studying and getting good grades, while in reality we'll fuck as soon as he leaves the house. I don't want to change you Billy. I just want to fucking hang out. Why is that so hard for you to get?”

Steve came closer and touched Billy's face. Part of Billy wanted to push him away, but the bigger part of him had just fucking missed Steve's touch.   
“I didn't go to the room with you at the Christmas party because I think you're good boyfriend material,” Steve went on. “I went because you're a gorgeous bastard who won't be shocked and appalled that I'm not always nice. Because you're a piece of shit who pisses me off more than anyone else I've met. Because I'm pissed you're better than me at everything, including fucking keg standing. You're an asshole, and I _like_ that you're an asshole, even though it also annoys the crap out of me that you're an asshole.” Steve started talking louder and faster, sounding more and more agitated. “You're complicated, and infuriating, and confusing, and fucking stupid. Fucking shithead. Everything's fucked up because of you, and I don't want it to not be fucked up anymore. Okay? Stop fucking avoiding me because you're afraid of shit I don't even want.”   
Billy didn't know what to say. He felt like Steve had just confessed his love for him, even though that was far from what had happened. Steve had just expressed frustrations, but the things he'd said hit Billy hard. It wasn't that he was afraid of what Steve wanted, as much as he was afraid of what he himself wanted. Steve was the one fucking everything up. He felt his resolve weaken. He looked at Steve and just wanted to kiss him. Not even fuck him. Just kiss him until they were both breathless. Would it be so bad to hang out with Steve in public? Would it even be bad to cut things off with the stupid shits he spent his time with now? People would talk. There would be rumors all over the place. What if some of those rumors were that they were fucking? 

While Billy was lost in his thoughts, Steve leaned in and kissed him. Billy responded like it was fucking instinct. Before he was even aware of what he was doing he had his hands in Steve's hair and was pulling him closer. Steve made a small sound of pleasure in his throat, and Billy heard himself mirroring it. Fuck. What he supposed to give this up? To go to school every day, and see Steve every day, and not ever do this again? Shit. Wasn't it better to just enjoy this for as long as possible? What else was he supposed to do? Be fucking celibate? Fuck girls? This shit wasn't fucking fair. He didn't want to get more involved with Steve, because shit was complicated enough, but he sure as fuck didn't want to cut it off with him either. The smart and sensible thing to do was for them to go their separate ways, and never hook up again. Being smart and sensible had sucked. Kissing and fucking Steve didn't. Fuck everything. He was just a fucking teenager. He broke the kiss and looked Steve in the eyes. Steve looked back with intensity.   
“This isn't how shit works, Steve. What if people start talking?”  
“Of course they'll start talking,” Steve shrugged. “I don't care.”   
“What if someone starts a rumor we're fucking?”  
“Do you have any idea how far fetched that is?” Steve asked with a raised eyebrow. “None of us fit into the gay stereotype. You're so fucking far from it you could put on a skirt and still come off as a macho bastard. No one's going to think you're gay, man.”

Steve made sense. Billy couldn't deny that. The probability someone would think he was gay was vanishingly small, and the probability someone would think he was gay _with Steve_ was even lower. Hell, even if they kissed in public, half of the people who saw it would think it was some kind of competition between them. Still, Billy was hesitant. He was just so fucking used to being _wrong_. Used to being fucking defective. Hiding and paranoia had been hammered into him from a young age, and it was really fucking hard to try to push that away when it was something as important as this. This was the thing he absolutely did not want anyone to know about, and hanging out with Steve in public felt like he was pushing his luck.   
“I just...” Billy started carefully, but didn't finish.   
Steve ran both his hands along Billy's jaw and took hold of his neck. He kissed Billy slowly and gently, then put their foreheads together. They stood like that, and Billy closed his eyes.   
“It's okay, Billy,” he murmured. “No one's going to find us out, or start shit, or anything. You're the toughest guy at school, remember? And I'm King Steve. I've turned into a dork, but most people don't know that. The only people who start shit with us are us. If they see us hanging out together they're going to stay the fuck out of it.” 

Again he was making sense, and Billy really wanted to listen. He wanted to listen to Steve, and run with it, and not be so fucking negative all the time. Could he do that? Just not give a shit, like Steve? He opened his eyes and found Steve looking back at him. Steve smiled.   
“What do you say, Billy? Friends?”  
When he put it like that, Billy found himself wanting it more. He didn't have anyone he'd honestly call a friend. Not even Steve right now. But he could have Steve. They could hang out, and if asked he could say Steve was his friend, and Steve could say Billy was his friend back, and it would be true. God, he felt so pathetic for thinking this shit. For wanting this shit. Fuck. Fucking Steve fucking everything up. It was like some goddamned super power of his, to make Billy think stupid shit. Billy sighed, thought “fuck it”, took hold of Steve's face with both hands, and kissed him. When they broke apart, he looked into Steve's eyes.   
“Okay,” Billy said. “Let's hang out. In public.”  
Steve smiled so brilliantly Billy hesitated to kiss him again, because he just wanted to keep looking at him. There was one thing more he needed to say, that might take the smile off him.   
“But not with your friends. Just us.”   
“Sure. Okay,” Steve agreed with a shrug. “But that means I sometimes have to hang out with them too.”  
“I can live with that.”   
They kissed for a while again. The break ended before they were done, but Billy couldn't care less about classes right now. Right now all he cared about was Steve, and kissing, and not being fucking sensible. 

Eventually they went to class, with Billy completely ignoring the comments he got for being late. It had been completely worth it. The next break Steve found him quickly. They had a smoke together, without even talking. Tommy and Carol showed up, but Billy ignored them. He didn't tell them to go away, but he didn't talk to them, either. Neither did Steve. It was weird, but not in a bad way. He was probably going to have to have some kind of conversation with Tommy and Carol about the new development, but it could wait. He didn't care what they thought about it anyway. At least that was what he kept telling himself. It was easier to ignore it when Steve was there. He was an amazing distraction, from just about anything, even sense. He'd probably be a good distraction from insecurities too, if Billy had any. When the break was over, they all quietly went back to class, and no one made any issue of it. After school they went their separate ways, but Steve and Billy waved briefly to each other before getting in their respective cars. They'd already had a quick conversation where they'd agreed to meet up in the woods in the evening. Tommy still hadn't asked what was up, but he'd glared plenty of daggers at Steve. It was apparent Steve could not care less, and Billy kind of liked that. 

After dark Billy drove out to the spot, and Steve was already there. Billy parked next to him and switched cars. Steve's car had a better back seat for fooling around in. As soon as he got in, Steve handed him a soda and a cigarette. Billy smiled in thanks. They didn't drink beer every time they met, because they weren't fucking alcoholics, but Billy wouldn't have minded one today. The mood in the car was a little strange. It felt like the conversation they'd had today wasn't over, and in addition they hadn't hooked up in a long time. Billy was fucking horny. Maybe he could convince Steve to fuck first and talk later. He'd also be perfectly okay with fucking first and then skipping the talking altogether. There was one way he could probably guarantee Steve would fuck first and ask questions later.   
“Steve?”  
“Yeah?” Steve looked over absently.   
“Fuck me.”  
“You, what?” Steve asked coherently, now with full attention on Billy.   
“Fuck me. In the car. Now.”   
“Well, I wouldn't want to fuck _outside_ the car right now. It's freezing out.”  
“You know what I fucking mean,” Billy said with a mock glare.   
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Steve grinned cheekily. “Were you expecting me to say no?”   
“Just one thing,” Billy added quickly.  
“Now what?” Steve rolled his eyes dramatically. “Are you making demands already? We haven't even fucking started.”  
“I want that blowjob,” Billy said, not having forgotten the deal they made at the cinema.   
Steve scoffed and rolled his eyes again, but he also grinned. Billy was immensely attracted to that grin.   
“Okay, I'll give you the blowjob, but I wanna do it in your car.”  
“Why? My car doesn't have room for shit.”  
“I wanna see what it would be like to give you road head,” he said with a shrug, “only you won't be driving us off the road.”   
“I wouldn't be driving us off the road anyway,” Billy protested indignantly. “What kind of driver do you think I am?”  
“A clinically insane one. And I'm really good at sucking dick.”  
Billy couldn't argue with that, at least the latter part. Steve was great at sucking dick, and kept getting better at it.   
“Okay, fine,” Billy said, and quickly exited the car. 

He hurried over to his own car, got in, and immediately hit the ignition. If they were going to do anything at all in it, he was going to have the fucking heater on. Steve jumped into the car only seconds later.   
“Wait, are we gonna drive?” he asked.   
“No,” Billy said. “Just want the heater on.”  
“Good plan. You'd think it was fucking Christmas out there.”   
“I seem to remember Christmas being pretty good,” Billy said with a smirk.   
Steve flashed that gorgeous smile again. It was somehow innocent and dirty at the same time, and knowing. Billy resisted the urge to just make Steve smile for half an hour, and instead sat back in his seat and unbuckled his pants.   
“Yeah, let's not waste time,” Steve muttered.   
“It's why we're here, asshole. Are you gonna chicken out?”  
“Hell no.”  
Steve started helping Billy with his pants, and it wasn't long before Steve had Billy's dick in his hand. Billy grinned and moved his seat back as far as it would go. He wouldn't be driving, so he might as well make it more comfortable. It struck him there might actually be room for them to fuck in the front passenger seat. A shorter person riding him was something he'd already done, but he thought there would probably be room for two tall-ass guys too. It was a thought he could consider after the blowjob. 

Steve tugged on Billy's hair, to let him know he wanted to kiss. Billy complied more than happily. The kissing they had done at school today didn't nearly make up for all the time they hadn't been kissing while Billy had been avoiding Steve. Right now he couldn't really remember _why_ he'd been avoiding Steve, because it seemed like a terrible idea all-round to not spend as much time as he could with the man. While they were kissing, Steve rubbed Billy's dick and slid his hand down to rub his balls too. Billy hummed into the kiss. This was more like it. This was the kind of shit he was addicted to, he thought, and ignored the little voice that was trying to tell him this thing with Steve was much more than just getting off. Steve broke the kiss and licked Billy's bottom lip, before bending down so he could get down to business. Even before Steve's lips touched his dick, Billy was breathing hard in anticipation. He wanted this so badly he could fucking come just from thinking about it. When Steve finally wrapped his lips around the head of Billy's dick, Billy let go of the moan that had wanted to escape him since they got his pants open. He was rock hard and fought the urge to buck up into it. Regardless of what he'd told Steve, if he'd been driving now there'd be an actual danger he'd run them off the road. Steve made a sound too, that made him sound like he was really enjoying what he was doing. It sure as fuck felt like he was enjoying it. 

Billy put one hand on the steering wheel and the other on Steve's head. He didn't push or pull, just let his fingers play with Steve's hair. Steve paused the sucking in favor of licking every part of Billy's cock he could reach. It felt incredible. He wasn't timid with his tongue. He knew he was driving Billy insane with this. Billy loved having his dick licked, and Steve knew just how to lick it. When Billy's dick was wet from balls to tip, Steve took a moment to blow cold air on it. It made Billy shiver, and he was about to protest the treatment, when Steve went back to sucking. Billy liked feeling Steve's head move up and down under his hand as he sucked. He still wasn't pushing, but the want to do so grew every time Steve's head moved down. Billy knew he wasn't going to fucking last. There wasn't even a reason to try. He had nothing to prove to Steve. That was something of a novelty for Billy, to not feel like he had to prove something. To not have a need to show how cool he was, or badass, or how much stamina he had. Steve was going to fuck him as soon as he'd come down the guy's throat, so there was nothing there for his pride to latch onto. Not when it was Steve. There was something telling there that he didn't want to consider, so he decided now was the moment to be an asshole and buck his hips up when Steve moved down on his shaft. He felt Steve gag a little, and grinned. Steve glared up at him.  
“Not cool, asshole. Fuck you.”   
Billy just grinned and winked at him. Steve got revenge by slowly squeezing Billy's testicles until he heard Billy make a sound of discomfort, then he grinned and winked up in return. Billy felt something in his chest that felt disturbingly warm and tingly. Fuck.   
“Keep going, Harrington, or I won't let you fuck me,” he said, mostly to distract himself.  
“Fucking asshole,” Steve muttered, but went back to the cock in front of him. 

It was time to stop being a dick and just run with it, so Billy did. He closed his eyes and let go of the steering wheel. He moved his hand down to gently stroke his fingers along the side of Steve's face. Steve hummed, and Billy felt the vibration in his cock. Steve cranked it up a notch and started sucking hard and fast. Billy immediately started losing it. It took seconds before he was moaning loudly, and pulling on Steve's hair instead of just curling his fingers in it. Steve had one hand down Billy's pants, and slid the other one up under Billy's shirt to reach his nipple. Billy might have been embarrassed by how quickly he came undone at this point, if it hadn't been Steve doing the undoing. He could feel his orgasm curling through his body, the tension ready to snap him over the edge. Steve pinched his nipple a little too hard, and that was all the cue Billy's body needed. His breath left him as he came, with Steve swallowing around his cock. 

Billy didn't let himself be dazed for too long. From the corner of his eye he saw Steve was already up and had his dick out. It seemed to Billy that moving back to Steve's car was counter productive.   
“Steve, pull your seat back as far as it will go, and lean it back.”  
“What? Wait, you think we're gonna fit in here?”  
“We're gonna find out,” Billy said, already in the process of pulling his pants off. “I'd much rather try to fit in here than to go back out into the cold.”  
“You have a point,” Steve agreed. He opened the glove box, where Billy kept a hidden stash of condoms and lube in the back, and took the needed stuff out from there before dealing with his seat.   
Billy struggled with his pants and boots in the cramped space. He had the steering wheel and pedals to contend with on his side, and they were not cooperating. The position he planned to do this in didn't allow for just pulling his pants down. They needed to come off, which meant his boots needed to come off too. It wasn't pretty, but by the time Steve was reclined in his seat, Billy was ready to get on top of him. He'd never in his life been the one riding during car sex, and his pride tried to make an issue of it for a second, but then he looked at Steve's face, and his almost absentminded grin as he looked at Billy with pure glazed lust in his eyes, and Billy's pride told him to go for it and took a fucking hike. 

The first thing on Billy's list was to get a condom on Steve's dick, but then he saw it was already sporting one. Steve hadn't been wasting time while Billy had been arguing with his clothes. Steve handed him the lube without a word. Billy climbed over and straddled him, so they could kiss while he got ready. Billy could taste his own semen in Steve's mouth. He liked it. Steve's hands roamed under Billy's shirt, and with some coaxing got him to take it off. It was strange to be naked when Steve was almost fully clothed still, but Billy found he liked that too. They hadn't gone long enough without doing this that Billy needed to do much more than just lube up, so it was only moments before he was ready for the fucking he wanted more than he was willing to admit to. He positioned himself and then slowly lowered down onto Steve's cock. It felt so fucking good. That slow pressured filling of his insides. Steve moaned under him. Billy had just come, so he didn't feel the urgency he knew Steve was feeling now. It allowed him more control, so he could focus almost purely on making Steve come. That was an oddity too, to want to make someone else feel good this way. His sexual experiences had always been selfish, until Steve. He was still selfish, but in a way that wasn't just about his own pleasure. It was also about Steve's pleasure, and how awesome it was to see him come apart. 

Billy started moving. The car didn't allow for him to sit up straight, but he wasn't crammed against the roof when he was bent forward enough to kiss Steve. Steve put his hands on Billy's ass, and “helped” him move it up and down. The kissed, with about as much grace as was possible when you were breathing too hard to get enough air through your nose, and making undignified sounds of pleasure. Steve braced his legs on something, and started pushing back against Billy, increasing both the speed and the power of the movements. It wasn't long before Billy was starting to feel like he could come again. He was being thoroughly fucked, and he fucking loved it. He relaxed his legs enough that Steve could take over control, and just let himself be taken. Steve was more than willing to do the taking. He pounded into Billy, and didn't let up. Billy didn't have any breath left. He just held onto Steve and panted. This idea that he'd be the one to pleasure Steve went out the window, as Steve brought him closer and closer to coming again. He put his mouth close to Steve's ear.   
“Fuck me, Steve,” he panted. “Make me come.”   
He got a groan in response. Steve gripped Billy's hips hard enough that Billy was sure he would have bruises, and used it as leverage to fuck him even harder. Billy was now just along for the fucking ride, and mildly impressed that Steve managed to keep up this pace for so long. Billy sneaked a hand down to take hold of his own dick, which was rock hard again, and leaking. He was going to come all over Steve's The Cure t-shirt. Billy liked the idea of leaving a stain on it. It would serve the asshole right for not taking it off. 

Before Billy could get very far on that idea, Steve stiffened under him and came with a loud moan. The feeling of Steve's cock pulsing inside him was Billy's favorite thing about being fucked by him. Steve flopped back into a panting mess under him, but Billy wasn't done yet. He jerked off quickly, with Steve's slowly softening cock still inside him. Right before he came, Billy sat up as much as he could, to be sure he hit Steve's chest and stomach the way he wanted to. Steve came back to his senses enough to reach his hands up to play with both Billy's nipples. Billy had already been on the verge, so that was all it took. Thick ropes of semen spattered all over Steve's shirt. Steve's didn't seem to mind at all, but Billy had a feeling he would in a moment. As soon as he was done having an awesome orgasm, Billy collapsed onto Steve, who wrapped his arms around him with no hesitation. Billy panted against Steve's ear as he regained control of his breathing, a little bit extra satisfied, knowing he was smearing the come into the shirt. It was going to come off his chest a hell of a lot more easily than it was going to come off that shirt. Steve slowly ran a hand up and down Billy's spine as he held him. It felt gentle and caring, and Billy wanted simultaneously to just lie there and enjoy it, to and make it stop. He let himself enjoy it for a short moment, before sitting up. Steve looked up at him with a look in his eyes that was a little too warm for comfort. He was smiling. Billy didn't want to deal with what the combination of the two did to him.   
“You got some stains on your shirt there, Harrington.”  
“What?” Steve looked down at himself. “Oh fuck.”  
Billy laughed.   
“You fucker, you did that on purpose.”  
“Hey, where else was I supposed to come?”   
Steve scoffed, then quickly, before Billy could react, he grabbed Billy's face and pulled him down for a kiss. It was slow, and gentle, and felt like it was giving instead of demanding. Billy gave in to it, even though he wasn't sure it was a good idea. He couldn't blame this kiss on lust, and he didn't really like that. Still, he wasn't quite able to bring himself to not kiss back, because it still felt so fucking good. 

An unknown amount of time later, they broke apart, and Billy shuffled over to his own seat; naked, damp, and chilled in spite of the heater running. He accidentally honked the horn on the way over, and Steve had a giggling fit. It was cute. Billy didn't like thinking that Steve was cute, but the bastard was anyway. All in all this whole thing with Steve had become stressful. Shit was weird, and Billy didn't want it to be weird. Steve didn't seem to mind the weirdness at all. He seemed perfectly okay with fucking everything, except Billy avoiding him.   
“So,” Steve said when Billy was about halfway dressed, “now that that's out of the way. How about we talk?”  
“I don't want to fucking talk.”  
“Well, tough fucking shit,” Steve said tersely, “because I'm in your fucking car, and I'm not getting out until we have a fucking conversation.”   
“I am not above driving home with you still in the car,” Billy said with a glare, “and leaving you there.”  
“That's cool,” Steve said, already smiling again. “The drive back will give us time to talk.”   
“Fuck. Why do you want to talk?”  
“Because you avoided me, for too fucking long.”  
“We already talked about that,” Billy said grumpily. He'd thought that was over and done with.   
“Not enough. You have issues, and I want to know what they are.”  
“Fuck you, I don't have issues.”  
“I'm waiting,” Steve said calmly, ignoring Billy's protest.   
“Look dude,” Billy said, purposefully trying to sound dismissive, “we fuck. That's it. We meet up, we fuck, we go our separate ways. That's how this started, and that's how it'll stay. I don't know what you think, but we're not fucking boyfriends, so lay off the fucking conversations.”  
“We could be,” Steve said quietly. 

The simple sentence completely derailed Billy. He had no quick comeback. He had no idea what to say. Steve had no such problem.   
“I don't see what the problem is. I mean, we don't just fuck. We hang out. No one knows we hang out, but we do, and we could be boyfriends even if no one knows too.”  
“What would be the point if no one knows?” Billy asked, not sure if he was just being difficult or if he was genuinely curious.   
“We'd know,” Steve shrugged, as if it answered everything. “I've never had a boyfriend. Have you?”  
“No, because it's bullshit.”  
“It's not bullshit.”  
“You need a fucking reality check,” Billy said angrily, tired of the bullshit. “How about you tell someone you're into guys, and see how tolerant they are about it? Most people think it's a fucking abomination. Some people would want to kill you for it, and even those who won't wish bad things on you don't think gay love is real love. Why would you want something that in the worst case scenario can get you killed, and best case scenario you have something most people don't even think is real? It's fucking pointless.”  
“Who gives a shit what other people think?” Steve asked, using it as a reply again. He came back to that a lot. “I think it would be nice having you as my boyfriend. We could hang out in my room. Lock the door and snuggle in front of the TV, watching some shit that only one of us likes.”  
“Snuggle? You're out of your fucking mind. You don't even fucking like me. What? We're gonna hold hands in the dark in the movie theater? Share a fucking ice cream in the park? Go on walks at night so we can hold hands outside? Kiss under a fucking tree in the dark?”  
“You know, you curse a lot when you get worked up,” Steve mused, like Billy hadn't just ranted angrily.   
“Oh, fuck off.”

There was a small pause, and Billy, idiot that he was, thought the conversation might be over. Instead Steve sighed, with a smile, and went on.   
“I'd like to do all those things. Have dates that we pretend aren't dates. We can go to the city, to somewhere we can have a proper date without hiding it. I'm sure there are places we can do that there. Maybe find a college we can go to together, somewhere there's a gay scene.”  
“Gay scene? You really are fucking delusional,” Billy said, but most of the heat had gone out of him, because he liked what Steve was saying. He liked the thought of being able to do things like that. And not just in general. With Steve. Even the things he himself had suggested. Holding hands, going on walks, and kissing outside. The fucking ice cream thing was stupid, but he wasn't even against doing that, as long as it was with Steve. He was fucking losing it. Steve's stupid delusions were rubbing off on him. Billy had never wanted to have a boyfriend. With the world the way it was, it was stupid to want one. And yet, maybe he did. More than anything, he wanted it to be fucking normal for him to have one. He wanted to not feel like it was fucking wrong to have one, but how could he feel like it wasn't wrong when everyone told him it was? His father hated gays. Faggot was his favorite derogatory term. Billy had grown up being told it was wrong, and disgusting, and that faggots shouldn't be allowed to live. How could he not start believing it, even just a little? Even if he didn't want to. 

He looked over at Steve. Properly looked at him. Steve didn't think it was wrong. Steve thought it was normal, or at least a semblance of it. Steve wanted to do this in spite of what people thought. He didn't care that other people thought it was wrong, because he thought it was right. And not with some other asshole who deserved him more. He wanted it with him. Billy couldn't fathom why Steve would want him as a boyfriend, but apparently he did. Maybe it was a lack of options. Billy was the only gay guy he knew.   
“Why me?”  
“Because you're an asshole.”  
“No, seriously,” Billy pushed, because he needed to know.   
Steve paused to think before answering. Billy might have been upset it was apparently fucking hard for him to find a reason, but the only impression he got was that Steve wanted to give a good, and honest, answer.   
“I think I told you this morning. You're interesting, and complicated, and stupid, and annoying, and hot. So very fucking hot. I dunno, man. It's just that the more time I spend with you, the more time I want to spend with you. And the more I kiss you the more I want to kiss you more. And that's not even starting on the sex.” He smiled briefly before getting serious again. “You know what? I'm going to be completely honest here. You're probably going to freak out about it, and maybe throw me out of the car, bodily, but I'm going to fucking say it anyway.”  
“What?” Billy asked, after Steve hesitated, even though he wasn't sure he wanted the answer.   
“I think I'm in love with you. Like, really in love. Like, I can't remember feeling this way about anyone, ever.”  
“You're fucking nuts,” Billy said, but shakily, because the confession has just slammed into him like a fucking truck. In love? Steve? Fuck. How could some simple words have this much of an impact on someone?   
“Yeah, nuts about you. Fucking sue me. I just wanted to be honest.” 

Billy closed his eyes and sighed. He hoped Steve didn't see it as mocking, because that wasn't how he meant it. Was he in love with Steve? He didn't even fucking know. He was addicted to Steve, and the sex, but he didn't know if he was in love. He didn't know what being in love was supposed to feel like. He wasn't sure he knew what _any_ kind of love was supposed to feel like. He couldn't really remember how he'd felt about his mom before she abandoned him. He'd probably loved her back then. He sure as hell didn't feel any love for her now, after she left him to that asshole of a father, that she'd left because he was a violent piece of shit, and never came back for him. Billy opened his eyes again and looked at Steve, partially to get the bitter thoughts out of his head. Did he want to be in love with Steve? Did he want to find out if he even _could_ be in love with him? Steve smiled without saying anything, and handed him a lit cigarette. Billy took it, and automatically smiled back, in spite of his confusion and conflicting thoughts. He thought the answer was probably yes. Yes, he wanted to find out if he could be in love with him. Yes, he wanted to be in love with him. And yes, he apparently wanted to be his fucking boyfriend. Fucking Steve Harrington, fucking everything up for him again. He did that shit far too often.   
“This is so fucking stupid.”  
“I don't care. I'm used to being stupid. Being stupid about you is an upgrade.”   
“Anything I do with you is an upgrade,” Billy said, without even thinking. “Fucking fuck, Steve.”  
“What?” 

Instead of answering, Billy did a “come here” motion with his hand. Steve smiled and moved closer. When Billy made the gesture again, Steve leaned even closer. Billy closed the distance and kissed him. He didn't push or deepen it. He didn't try to dominate it. He just wanted to kiss him, for no other reason than wanting to kiss him. This fucking idiot. This fucking dorky, cute, awesome idiot. They kissed until Billy's cigarette burned down far enough that he could feel the heat on his fingers. He broke the kiss to put it out. He looked back at Steve, but couldn't think of what to say.   
“Can I guess what that meant?” Steve asked, with a smile that made Billy want to kiss him again.  
“Sure, go for it.”  
“Yes, Steve, let's be boyfriends, and try it on for size, and see where it goes,” he guessed helpfully.   
Billy smiled in spite of himself. That was actually pretty close to what he wanted to say. But getting the words out to say Steve was right, if not completely accurate in wording, was still too hard. His fucking pride and its unwillingness to say anything that might be considered weak. He didn't consider Steve weak for saying it, or wanting it, so why did he feel that way about himself?   
“You think too much,” Steve said. “Was I right? You can just fucking nod, man.”   
“Close enough,” Billy managed.   
“Really?”  
“Don't push it,” Billy warned. He did not want to elaborate, at all.   
“Can I kiss you again?”  
“When we're alone, you can always fucking kiss me again.”   
“Fuck me, you're good at saying the right things,” Steve said, and did what he'd asked to do. 

When they pulled apart again, they just sat looking at each other for a while. Billy reached out a hand and gently caressed Steve's chin. He really was pretty, and hot. Billy wished he could lay claim to him in public. To tell everyone Steve was his. For now he'd had to settle for Steve being his in private. His in ways beyond sex now. It wasn't such a bad thought, now that he allowed himself to think it.   
“This has been a good day,” Steve said out of the blue.  
“Really?”   
“I got you to start talking to me again, then agree to be friends in public,” Steve listed, on his fingers, the adorable idiot. “Then we had sex, and now you're my boyfriend. It's pretty damned hard to top that.”   
“Secret boyfriend,” Billy corrected him.   
“I can live with that. It's still boyfriend.”   
“I never thought I'd have a boyfriend,” Billy sighed, “but then you came along and just inserted yourself in my life.”  
“I seem to remember you were the one who asked me to join you in the bedroom.”  
“Yeah, but then you didn't stop, repeatedly.”  
“Neither did you,” Steve protested loudly. “You initiated the first time. You sucked my dick first, and you fucking climbed on top of me and rode me without me even asking. So don't blame any of that shit on me. I just reciprocated.”   
Billy sighed and chuckled. All that was true. He still blamed it on Steve. For being hot, and irresistible, and willing. And, in the time after the parties, persistent. Right now, looking at Steve looking happy, Billy was glad he had been. Boyfriend, huh? The idea was growing on him. 

Steve reached over and took Billy's hand. He twined their fingers together. Billy could feel right away that he could get used to feeling Steve's hand in his own. The hard thing would be not doing it all the time. After a while of not talking, and not doing anything other than enjoy each other's company, Billy looked at his watch.   
“We should probably get home soon.”   
“Yeah,” Steve said, sounding like he didn't want to, but a moment later he perked up. “But tomorrow at school we have lunch together. Okay? We don't have to hang out more than that, if you don't want to, but I want to have lunch with you.”  
“Okay, sure,” Billy smiled. He wasn't against lunch with Steve at all now. Weird. “We'll have lunch together, and see about the rest.”  
“Awesome.”   
Steve suddenly took hold of Billy's face with both hands and kissed him again. Billy lost track of time again, as they made out for god knew how long. Not long enough, even though they were still in the middle of it. He'd only just looked at his watch, but he had no idea what time it had been when he checked. When Steve finally pulled back, he ran his thumbs over Billy's cheekbones, and looked like he was just admiring the view. He bit his bottom lip, then kissed Billy quickly again.   
“I just needed a top-off, for the road,” he said, and broke into a grin.   
Billy kissed him quickly back, and used all his strength of will to not just start making out with him again.   
“For the road,” he whispered.   
Steve's grin widened, and Billy felt like he could just kiss him forever. Steve ran a hand over Billy's cheek again, then pulled back and opened the door.   
“See you at school tomorrow.”  
“Lunch. I won't forget,” Billy said.   
“Cool,” Steve said, and left. 

Billy waited until Steve had driven off before following. Okay, so now he had a boyfriend. And said boyfriend was Steve Harrington. The guy who had been fucking with his head ever since he moved to Hawkins. It was probably fitting that he was him, but no less crazy for that. What were the odds that the only guy he'd had any interest in had an interest in him back? It was like it was meant to be, except Billy didn't believe in that kind of bullshit. It was just fucking luck. Weird luck, but nothing more. He wasn't complaining, and he was the kind of person who complained all the goddamned time. He'd told Steve he didn't have issues, but even Steve knew that was a lie. Billy was one big walking issue. But now he was a big walking issue with a boyfriend. He wondered when the novelty of that would wear off. Hell, he didn't even know _if_ it would wear off. He'd never had a boyfriend before. A first time for everything, he supposed. It was weird how okay he was with this now that it had happened, when he had been so against it only an hour ago. That was the effect Steve had on his life. He just fucking changed everything. Asshole. Billy lit a cigarette and smiled to himself the whole way home. This was so fucking far from where he'd thought his day was going to go this morning. Steve fucking Harrington was his fucking boyfriend, and wasn't that a hell of a development? The more he thought about it, and the closer he got to home, the more he was starting to think it might also be fucking cool.

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for taking so long on this story. Unlike for a lot of people, corona lockdown means I've had to work more. I work with farm animals, and live where I work, so other people staying home means I have to do a lot of the work alone. (It's not my farm.) In addition, lambing starts now for us (we're expecting the first ones this coming week), and that means even less time, seeing as I have to spend a lot of time with the sheep. Chronic lack of sleep for a month does nothing to stimulate my imagination, quite the opposite, so most likely I'll do little to no writing during this time. I'll just be trying to come out of lambing season relatively sane. 
> 
> So, I'm leaving a this here now, to say that the next part probably won't be posted until mid-May at the earliest, and early June is not unlikely. I'm really sorry about that, but I'd rather not try to pressure myself and end up writing something crappy.
> 
> Unless the boys derail my plans completely, there will be two more stories in the series after this one.


End file.
